We Found Something

"Hello, Mrs. Brittain, we found something on your mammogram and we need to recheck it."

A week ago I went to a mammogram event where there was wine served and dessert and men waiting on all the women wearing pink feather boas. I almost didn't go - i was too tired and I just didn't feel like going, but I did - thank God I did.

"We found a mass on your left breast and we need to recheck it. When is a good time to come in?"

June 30, 2004 was one of the happiest days of my entire life. My beautiful son, Chase, was born. It was sunny and beautiful outside and I didn't care if I even went outside again. I was holding my newborn son and in complete heaven. I wouldn't let him sleep in the bassinet because I wanted to hold him and I ended up holding him while he slept for the next two years! I didn't care, this was my baby and he was perfect.

November 7, 2007 was another perfect day. It was freezing cold and rainy and I had pneumonia but my daughter was born. She was the tiniest thing I had ever seen in my life - 5 pounds. She wasn't getting food from me any longer so the doctors decided to induce. I was miserable - coughing, sneezing and my epidural decided to quit 5 minutes before I had to push. But all of the sudden - here she was. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

"When we compared your last mammogram from 2005, we saw that there were some masses THAT HAVE GROWN and we want to recheck them." MASSES THAT HAVE BEEN GROWING FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS.
"I can come in tomorrow."

I went in and had a second mammogram where my breast was apparently trying out for the part of a tortilla so we could confirm what we already knew.

"Can I see the mass?"

"Of course."

I looked and saw on the screen what looked like sand sprinkled all throughout my breast. It was even glowing. I thought to myself, "as if it has any right to try to look pretty."

The doctor came in and old me that there is an 85% chance that it's nothing. Sucks for the 15% which I could very well be in. However, if it is, there is a good chance that it is caught early and my chance of survival is excellent.

I work out so hard to the point where I think my 40 year old body will break in half. I eat a vegetarian diet with no processed foods and no soft drinks and no sugar. I take a metric ton of supplements that are supposed to prevent things like that this from happening. And yet, here it is - a mass - growing - possibly killing me.

There was a time in my life before children where I was so depressed that I, at times, begged God to take me right then and there. Now when I look at my children and their beautiful, blue eyes and all I want to do is live. I want to see them grow and be parents and do whatever it is that they will do. I want to see them play and sleep and just be. I have to be here for that and I will do whatever I can do to make sure that happens.

I have a biopsy next week and soon after that I will learn what is growing and taking over my breast. I will defeat this - I have a mission to be here for my children and I have promised them I will be here for them and protect them. So if it's cancer, I will defeat it. I will.

Couples Retreat

I was skeptical about renting Couples Retreat due to the less than stellar reviews, however, I was pleasantly surprised. The movies premise is about a couple who are struggling after having trouble conceiving and want to go to a couples retreat. They cannot afford it on their own so they talk three other couples in joining them to split the cost. Hilarity ensues.

First of all, Vince Vaughn and Jason Bateman are in this movie together....need i say more? Well I will just in case. Vince and Jason are both easy on the eyes and can easily tickle the funny bone with nothing more than a mere expression. They are hilarious in this movie. Not to mention the movie was written by Vaughn and Jon Favreau so you know it has to be good. Others in the movie are Kristin Bell, Kristin Davis and Malin Akerman. And here I thought that Kristin Davis was only making purses now.

So why all the terrible reviews?? My take is that people are stuck in the reality tv world now. Comedy has been forgotten. Why else would Arrested Development not have the viewers to support it's continuation on tv? Go and rent this movie and pay special attention to the couples yoga segment. HILARIOUS!!! And do yourself a favor and watch the gag reel. I love to see people get cracked up and cracked up they get! Watch it and please tell me what you think! I'm excited for you!

Say What???

I was reading usmagazine.com the other day and Heidi and Spencer Pratt were talking about how they pray that they stay famous. That was seriously their prayer. Now I am okay with people talking to God and saying what they feel but to pray that you stay famous?? That bothered me. Here's why...My husband quit his job in NC and we moved back to Knoxville, TN. We wanted to be close to family and friends. He held his new job for two months and then he was laid off. He was out of work for 3 months and got another job - a really good job that he liked. He was there for about 5 months, then he was laid off, yet again. He was out of work for 6 months this time - he looked everywhere. In the meantime, I had a baby, developed an ulcer, and severe anxiety and our son was kicked out of preschool (another story for another time). So life wasn't the best and stress was high.

He finally found a job out of town, three hours away from friends and family in Murfreesboro, TN. We moved, we bought a house, we settled in. Our cat ran away, and my husband was laid off once again after two months. He developed Kidney disease, we survived a tornado, our house phone died and we had to replace it (money we didn't have), our lawn mower died in the middle of mowing the lawn, our car broke down and is working on breaking down again, my uncle passed away and my son starts Kindergarten at the end of this month. My ulcer is burning at an all time high, my anxiety is through the roof and not to mention I can't sleep. My husband is terribly depressed, we miss our cat (although I refuse to give up finding him), and the phone isn't ringing off the hook from hiring managers just waiting for us to start that fantastic dream job. So when I read that Heidi and Spencer were praying to stay famous??? I did get mad - I am praying for my husband to find a job, for our cat to come home, for our health and safety, for our car to make it the grocery store and back safely. I do feel blessed because things could be worse and if I didn't have God to turn to, there would be nothing. But still....Am I being too harsh? You tell me? Thoughts?

Missing My Furbaby

On March 15, my indoor only cat, Choxie sneaked out without us noticing. It was about 10:30 at night and i didn't notice until about 1:30am that he was not in his bed sleeping. My husband and I searched all around looking for him and searched and called outside and even drove around to no avail. It has been 32 days now and he has not been seen. We are more than heartbroken. At first we had a couple of sightings but now no one has seen him. We did have one neighbor say that he was on his deck a couple of weeks ago so we went back to ask if we could set out a humane trap to catch him and he won't even answer the door. It sort of makes me wonder if he has him. His daughter came to the door one day and said, "we have a poster, we'll call you if we see him." It hurts me that they are less than willing to help. If they lost their pet I am sure they would tap all their resources looking for him just like we are.

A week ago we had a search dog come in and he discovered his scent in our yard and up in a huge field about 3 miles away from our house. Unfortunately we also saw coyote tracks there. Hopefully he is staying away and hidden from him. We have set out three humane traps and a game camera to catch him but so far, nothing. I am scared that he is gone forever. We got him to protect him and love him and we let him down. If you are reading this, I just ask for your prayers for his safe return.

We miss you Choxie, come home baby.

There's What in My Brownies?

For this etsy blog carnival, i am going to write about my favorite brownie recipe. I try not to bake from scratch because it never turns out tasting good. I can cook, but i can't bake. So i take a box of low fat brownie mix and add to it a box of chopped spinach. Before you gag or stop reading, let me just say that you CANNOT taste the spinach! I have gotten my son to eat spinach this way several times and he has never noticed! Try it and you will see that they are delicious and moist and only taste chocolaty! I promise!

Want a story with that necklace?

I am terribly late with my blog post for the etsybloggers team. But here it is!

This month I am writing about Storybeader's etsy shop (http://storybeader.etsy.com/).

Storybeader sells beautiful jewelry and every one of her necklaces comes with a haiku written by Storybeader herself! Check out this Lampwork Messenger Necklace and the lovely haiku Storybeader wrote to go along with it! Beautiful!!!

I've Been Tagged!

I've been tagged by Down The Street Creations (http://downthestreetcreations.blogspot.com/). This means i must tell six secrets about myself so here it goes!

1. I used to live in Hilton Head, SC - it was when i was in 7th grade but it still counts, right?
2. I got married in Hilton Head, SC - this wasn't when i was in 7th grade!!! Many moons later!!!
3. I absolutely love books - mysteries, chick lit, some romance, but mostly mysteries!
4. I could live off of chocolate - does this one really need any explanation?
5. I secretely wish i could shave my head - seriously! I just wanna know what it looks like under there!
6. I am an insomniac - did i spell that right? Who knows, but what i do know is that i probably should be sleeping right now but can't!


I am supposed to tag five other people but i will come back and edit the post to do that! Right now my brain is not working!!!